Eat, Activity, Sleep and You time (EASY) routines or Gina Ford’s “nanny knows best regime”, No-Cry Sleep Solution (fine for small babies) or Natural Nurturing and follow baby’s lead.
And if you follow any of the above maybe your LO does not!
Some babies will take to routines like a ducks to water. Others need more coaxing and teaching into the social world around them. And this depends on baby’s personality, genetic predisposition and parental response. Many parents we see at sleepy-tots have given their LOs masses of love and quick emotional response.
Now we are not saying that’s wrong! But by the time LO is 8, 9 or 10months old parents are exhausted and often resentful about frequent night waking and poor naps.
Truth be told the human body craves routine to feel healthy. Ask anyone who works shifts and they will tell you how much it affects their health both physically and cognitively. We both remember working night shifts as nurses and feeling completely disorientated at the end of a rota of nights. Think jet lag and it will give you some idea!
That being the case imagine how LOs feel out of routine? We’re not talking about routines of army discipline proportions but what we call a FLEXI – ROUTINE. Flexi-routines are sort of “round about the same time”. They don’t interfere with days out or holidays or YOU time. BUT they do need to be reinforced as SOON AS life is back to normal.
For example one of our clients who successfully taught her LO (10 months) positive sleep patterns was terrified to meet friends for lunch in case it interfered with LO’s established afternoon nap. Well – it did! He was so excited about all the activity and new sights and smells in the café no way was he going to nap in the buggy. So – that evening as soon as mum saw sleepy cues (which were an hour earlier than usual) she started wind down routine and put him to bed. Yes – he woke once in the night but thanks to the previous sleep teaching he was quick to re-settle and woke 15 minute earlier in the morning. The following day routines were back to normal.
It was parental response that helped (taught) him what to expect. What we’re saying is a big “YES” to flexi-routines. Of course, in the early months you are establishing (teaching) routines. You can try teaching routines from birth HOWEVER many babies take several months to adjust to life outside the womb. With repetition, consistency and parental perseverance positive sleep patterns can be taught and learned. And re-learned after high days, holidays and disruptions to routine
P.S If your baby isn’t settling well see your G.P to rule out any medical concerns such as allergy or intolerance.
Many of the parents we see at Sleepy-Tots want a “No Cry Sleep Solution”. I’m sorry to tell you guys the title of this book has been thought up by the very best marketing gurus in town! Well – definitely for baby’s over 6 months. At Sleepy-Tots we keep crying to a minimum with parental presence. BUT with a change in expected routine all babies will protest and maybe cry a little.
By the time a baby is 7 – 8 months old habits such as frequent night feeding, rocking to sleep and use of dummies is well and truly entrenched.
The best advice we can give you is to prevent sleep difficulties in the first place.
As we say in our book Savvy Sleep the best time to start is when a baby is between 3 – 4 months of age. This is the time when babies naturally begin to sleep a little longer at night and understand night from day. Although some sleep expert’s suggest sleep teaching as soon as a baby is able to smile and coo from about 6 weeks of age.
Even then there may be a small amount of cries and protests as you put your baby to sleep in his/her cot drowsy but awake. And don’t rush to baby (over 3 months old) in the night as soon as he/she murmurs and assume they need feeding (as long as baby is gaining weight as expected). Try re-settling baby with touch and talk first. Time for dads to lend a hand to all you breast feeding mums!
True to say babies have different temperaments and personalities. Some will protest louder than others. And if you have one of these characterful little personalities our hearts go out to you. It’s probably nothing you’re doing wrong – simply that your baby is more of a “high maintenance” baby than others. You will have tremendous fun watching this feisty little baby mature and grow into a very individual human being.
However – it’s important to remember that many defiant tot’s who are emotionally labile are precisely that way due to lack of sleep. So it’s up to us as parents to teach our babies good sleep habits before they latch on to bad ones.
Now this is difficult if your baby has had colic, reflux or intolerance. All these things teach a baby to be cranky. But once these have been dealt with or resolved start sleep teaching ASAP.
A “No Cry Sleep Solution” is more easily taught in the first few months of life.
“The Controlled Crying Technique” is short and sharp and works for most cot bound babies. But who wants to leave their baby to cry? It can be more confusing for a baby if a parent “pops in” every 10 minutes. In our experience many babies become more agitated and upset at the sight of a parent who seemingly abandons them yet again. On top of which some research suggests babies become very stressed when left to cry which can be damaging to long term ability to deal with stress.
The jury is still out on the best method to use for LO’s with sleep difficulties.
Good sleep habits need to be taught in the first 6 months of a baby’s life.
As mama used to say “PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN CURE”.
During the first three or four months of a baby’s life most will have several periods of prolonged crying and fussing. No matter how much you pace the floor, cuddle, feed, wind, change the nappy – do everything the books tell you to do nothing seems to quieten those heart wrenching cries.
When we meet exhausted parents of small babies it’s important to take a detailed history of the baby’s birth, feeding habits and most important of all symptoms. Through our work we’ve seen an increase in babies presenting with dairy intolerance. It’s estimated about 2 – 7% of babies are dairy intolerant. These babies whether breast or bottle fed are often the most difficult to settle. Many will already have sought medical advice and been diagnosed with “it’s just a bit of colic” or “it’s just a bit of reflux” and given medication.
True milk allergy is very rare. Babies with a true milk allergy will have an acute reaction almost immediately after drinking milk. They quickly develop hives or a facial rash and vomit up feeds. Very,very rarely they may have an acute allergic reaction such as anaphylaxis and need urgent medical attention. Some babies have a delayed allergic reaction with symptoms such as colic, reflux eczema or dry skin, diarrhoea or constipation.
The symptoms of dairy intolerance are:
Most children grow out of dairy intolerance by the time they are 3 years old.
Many breastfeeding mums want to know how long it takes for milk proteins to come through breast milk which is difficult to define. However, as a general rule foods eaten by a mother take 4 – 6 hours to be exposed in breast milk but can take as little as 1 hour and as long as 24 hours.
Cows milk protein (dairy) needs to be eliminated from mum’s diet for at least 2 – 3 weeks to ascertain whether this is the cause of an unhappy baby. So – it’s no quick fix! It’s also important for breastfeeding mums to make sure they substitute their diet with appropriate foods. Calcium rich foods include; salmon, sardines and mackerel (with bones), sesame seeds, almonds, dark green leafy vegetables, calcium enriched tofu, beans and baked beans. But have a look on a website for dairy free calcium rich foods.
DO remember that it’s thought about a third of people who are intolerant to dairy are also intolerant to soy! So – soya based milk and foods may not be an option.
BEFORE you embark on a dairy free diet PLEASE discuss it with a MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL.
If you are formula feeding your baby you will need to discuss your concerns with a doctor or paediatrician who may prescribe an allergy free formula milk.
The majority of breast fed babies tolerate a wide variety of foods in their mother’s diet – even the odd vindaloo! We know that small amounts of taste from mum’s diet go through to breast milk probably to allow a baby to gently get used to spicy foods where it’s the cultural norm.
As we said we have certainly seen an increase in babies with dairy intolerance in the last 20 years. But do remember infant colic is far more widely reported than food intolerances! Infant colic should disappear by the time a baby is 4 months old. Circadian rhythms also become more established at 4 months and many babies will sleep for one longer period at night.
So – if your baby is still having difficulty settling after 4 months of age and there is a strong family history of allergy it is worth considering whether your baby may have dairy intolerance.
It’s that time of year again. No sooner has LO got over one cold/cough and he/she’s caught another. It’s passed on to a tired mum and then a tired dad and soon the whole household is a melting pot of germs.
WARNING – these bouts of illness may be the catalyst to prolonged night waking in babies and children who have previously been good sleeper’s
And most babies will catch 8 – 12 viral colds in the first year of life. Even adults get on average 3 – 4 colds a year. The consequence of these minor viral illnesses is, inevitably, disrupted sleep.
In essence this is a very NORMAL part of family life. Okay it’s a pain but tell yourself LO is building up immunity and will ultimately be stronger.
GOLDEN RULE – if you are worried about LO particularly if he’s wheezy, NEVER take him/her in to your bed. Much better to put a mattress on his/her bedroom floor so that you can keep an eye on them. This may seem harsh but how is a baby/LO going to understand why he/she is being turfed out of the parental bed? Many coughs last several weeks in LO’s which is more than enough time to establish a habit. It is much kinder to keep LO in his own surroundings with a comforting parental presence. And much less troublesome a habit for parents to break.
If you’ve camped on a mattress in LO’s room for more than 3 nights WHEN LO IS WELL AGAIN you may need to go through “gradual retreat regime” for a few nights. This is a kind way of teaching LO to sleep on his own again.
Be reassured that if LO was a previously good sleeper LO knows how to sleep (thanks to you) and should soon return to normal sleep patterns.
Very commonly breast fed babies feed frequently during minor illness. If night feeding has regressed to new baby regime reduce night feeds by one minute every 2 – 3 days. This does mean keeping a note of times and length of feeds in the middle of the night but WILL work. As LO’s appetite increases during the day he/she will naturally cut down on night time breast feeds. If you feel LO is WELL again you could ask dad or someone else to re-settle LO during the night. They’ll soon get the message!
Many parents worry about when to take their baby to the doctor. Well don’t! In our experience having worked with lot’s of GP’s (who are usually parents themselves) you won’t be labeled over anxious parents.
Here’s a quick check list of when to see the doctor.
1. Babies under 3 months should always be checked by a doctor if you’re worried.
2. Small babies who are drinking less than half their daily milk in take. Babies who are feeding normally are coping and fighting the illness themselves.
3. Any difficulty or trouble breathing should be seen by a doctor ASAP
4. Seek advice if baby’s temperature is above 38 degrees C
5. Seek advice if coughs and colds are prolonged.
6. Ear rubbing and crying may mean LO has an ear infection and needs to be checked. Ear ache is very painful so LO will sure let you know if this is the problem.
7. Signs of dehydration. ie; no wet nappies for 6 hours and a dry mouth or sunken soft spot
8. If baby seems unusually drowsy or difficult to wake
9. Get any unusual rashes or spots checked out
During coughs and colds most LO’s need lot’s of TLC, extra fluids, rest and paracetamol. Don’t worry if LO has a poor appetite fluids are much more important.
You can always telephone NHS Direct for advice on; 08454647
There are also many websites with good information on treating coughs and colds try; http://www.babycentre.co.uk/baby/health/commoncold/.
Recently we’ve seen a number of babies in the 7 – 11 month age bracket who are being given solids in the new fashion of “baby led weaning”. And we love the idea that babies learn to taste and explore food in their own time and way.
HOWEVER – these babies often go back to breastfeeding several times a night simply due to the fact they are hungry. And when they are finally able to chew their way through finger foods the night waking habit has become ingrained.
Okay – so there are some bonny boys who will gleefully chunk their way through chunks of meat at 6 months but other babies take time to learn to chew the amount of calories they need to fend off hunger. And how many calories are their in a par steamed carrot stick anyway?
We’ve pulled out some useful information from the “Infant and Young Child, Model Chapter” by the World Health Organization (2009) to help you understand the importance of adequate nutrition which in turn leads to a contented baby/tot and more sleep!
We’ve hi-lighted text from the book which is available at;
http://whqlibdoc.who.int/publications/2009/9789241597494_eng.pdf
“The energy needed in addition to breast milk is about:
It’s crucial to remember that babies may need your help to eat the recommended amount of calories per day. What we’re saying is;
Finger foods are great snacking foods but they may not provide enough calories to help to reduce breast feeds as suggested by WHO. Therefore it is still good practice to offer baby some pureed foods (6 – 8 months) increasing to lumpier foods (9 – 11 months) until your tot is able to cope with finely cut adult type food at about 12 months.
“When complementary food is introduced, a child tends to breastfeed less often, and his or her intake of breast milk decreases (17 ), so the food effectively displaces breast milk. If complementary food is more energy diluted than breast milk, the child’s total energy intake may be less than it was with exclusive breastfeeding, an important cause of malnutrition.
A young child’s appetite usually serves as a guide to the amount of food that should be offered.
This can be a debatable point. From experience of non sleepy-tots we know there are a lot of babies who prefer to breastfeed throughout the night and avoid chewing solid food during the day. So if your baby is over 9 months and still breastfeeding several times a night it’s worth considering if solids are the right calorific value and consistency. It may be that offering pureed/mashed, easily swallowed foods for a week or two will help baby learn to chew. Whilst remembering babies should be offered lumpy or finger foods by 10 months.
What we’re saying is that some, but by no means all babies do need a little cajoling to take the advised amount of food.
And just by advising parents to increase solids we’ve found babies are more contented and less likely to wake at night for feeds.
As a rough guide to the average amount of food a baby requires try;
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N.B Never leave your baby alone with finger foods.
If you are happy to continue breastfeeding at night that’s just great – it’s up to you. No-one has the intricate bond that you have with your baby. However, a well rested mum and baby will be able to enjoy life to it’s full potential.
Many parents we see are wracked with guilt about LO’s night waking. They’ve seen numerous professionals and read all the books. Just to make matters worse everyone else’s LO goes to bed without a fuss, naps well throughout the day and sleeps a full 12 hours at night.
The societal “norm” is that babies and children who sleep well are labeled as “good”. They are the happy, smiling families seen in adverts that we are all supposed to emulate. They are living life to the full, jumping out of bed as the cock crows to embrace each new sun filled day. Sleep deprived parents follow this over glamorized perception of family life like shadows chained to exhaustion.
LET US REASSURE YOU! Most of the parents we see at Sleepy-Tots are fantastic parents who are so in tune with their baby/child’s emotional needs they literally “feel” everything LO’s feel.
This physical/emotional pain parents feel for their LO is called attachment. Attachment is GOOD parenting. Research shows that a well attached child is more likely to grow into an emotionally secure adult.
However attachment parenting is all about treating children the way you would like to be treated. If boundaries are set by parents in a loving, empathetic and respectful way this will not harm your attachment with your child.
The same goes with teaching sleep. We all know that an unrested tot is more likely to have challenging behavior, more prone to whining, poor appetite and limited concentration. So, as parents we know we are teaching positive sleep patterns in our child’s best interest.
Parents have to remember;
“It’s not what’s good for me – it’s what is good for my child”
We say teaching positive sleep patterns is the same as teaching LO any other social habit such as saying “please” and “thank you”. You are giving your child the gift of sleep which will not only help them to achieve their full potential but have lifelong impact on their quality of life.
Our message to all sleep deprived parents is please don’t feel guilty for loving your child. You will know when the time is right to start sleep teaching. And you are doing it with all your love.
P.S Don’t forget we’re here if you need us!
Every parent will think, pray or cry these words in the first few years of LO’s life. Statistics show that at any one time 25% of LO’s are not sleeping well. And that’s a big percentage.
What makes one small baby sleep well and another wake through the night is an age old question. We know that in small babies the pace they learn to sleep through the night is genetically driven. We also know from research that the way parent’s interact and deal with night waking impacts on the way babies learn to sleep. In other words babies pick up on parents social cues and anxieties. A baby’s personality will also impact on his/her ability to settle in between sleep cycles. Some baby’s are naturally more anxious without their main caregiver close by or more “nosy” and curious about the world and fight sleep.
Many out of date information recommends that babies SHOULD be sleeping through the night at 6 months. However, it is now more generally accepted that many babies will night wake for a feed until they are 9 months. If a 6 – 9 month old wakes once in the night for a feed this is perfectly normal and simple to sort out when you both feel ready.
All you do is either reduce the time baby spends at the breast by one minute every two to three nights or reduce the amount of formula feed by 30 mls every two to three nights. When it gets to the point when there are zero minutes or no formula ask someone else to deal with any night waking. This should be someone that baby knows well and someone that you completely trust. In other words the feeding mum should stay out of way. We know that’s hard for mums but generally baby’s over 9 months learn very quickly that night feeds are off the agenda.
We live in a very competitive society to the point that getting a baby to sleep through the night is seen as good parenting. Many parents we see at Sleepy-Tots feel unnecessarily embarrassed and guilty their LO doesn’t fit into society’s expectation. The point is that if one in four LO’s have night waking problems at any one time it could be considered normal!
At Sleepy-Tots we ABSOLUTELY know night waking and poor sleep patterns can be rectified. It is not a question of poor parenting simply that parents are too exhausted to change patterns. Let’s face it sleep deprivation makes the most patient parent irritable and bad tempered which affects relationships and quality of life.
We are constantly amazed at how long – sometimes years – parents put up with poor sleep. As parents we teach our LO’s many social habits in order for them to function in life. We believe learning positive sleep habits when young will have a life long impact.
We were alarmed to read this article which was printed in most of the national newspapers.
Parents of newborns miss out on SIX MONTHS worth of sleep in their child’s first two years.
As any new parent will tell you, there are times when they would give anything to have another hour in bed. And figures have revealed just how precious sleep is to mothers and fathers of newborn babies. They will have missed out on half a year’s worth of sleep by the time their child is two. Most get fewer than four hours a night as they get up countless times to feed or soothe the little one.
Exhausted: New parents are missing out on six months worth of sleep in the first two years of their child’s life.
As a result, they build up an ever-increasing ‘sleep debt’ which means they are permanently tired and prone to mood swings and depression. This chronic exhaustion means couples are constantly irritable and argue several times a week. For some, the combination of permanent tiredness and blazing rows results in the marriage breaking down.
Experts recommend that adults need at least five hours’ uninterrupted sleep every day in order to properly concentrate and function. It varies between individuals, however, with some needing as many as eight hours, some as few as three.
But according to a survey, two thirds of mothers and fathers of babies and toddlers get fewer than four hours every night. Of these, 12 per cent get fewer than two and half hours, according to the research. Adults should get at least 3,650 hours’ sleep over a two-year period. But those who sleep for only four hours every night will accrue only 2,738 hours over two years. This is a deficit of 912 hours – the equivalent of six months of five hours’ sleep a night, the minimum ‘basal’ recommendation according to experts.
The study of 1,000 adults found that this constant tiredness can have a devastating effect on relationships, with a third of new parents admitting to arguing at least five times a week.
A quarter of mothers say they suffer from mood swings and depression and a fifth say they are often irritated by their other half simply because they are so exhausted.
Ultimately, the sleepless nights can affect the marriage, with one in 20 couples saying they were forced to separate simply because they were so exhausted.
Iftikhar Mirza, sleep scientist at Silentnight bed company, which commissioned the research, said: “It is hugely important for adults to get at least the minimum recommended hours of basal sleep per night.”
Read more here.
Please don’t put up with this lack of sleep which is detrimental for the whole family. At sleepy-tots we can’t promise a perfect nights sleep every night. What we can do is promise a better and more managable sleep routine for LO and you.
The holiday season is in full swing. For many LOs this means exciting but disrupting routines that can create different or negative sleep patterns.
The key thing for parents is to resume normal routines as soon as you are able. If parents have taught LOs positive sleep routines from the very beginning (i.e. followed our ebook title=”Find out about our e-book Savvy Sleep”Savvy Sleep) sleep routines should fall back into place within a few days. But be warned – you may have to work at re-teaching sleep patterns and go back to basics.
Many of you have contacted us about early morning waking. Well – the truth is we all seem to need less sleep in the summer months and that goes for LOs too.
At a recent free advice drop in clinic one mum told us she solved the problem by tacking a piece of chip board to her tot’s window to block out every last bit of light – and it worked. Once you’re sure LO’s bedroom is as black as black can be here are a few other tips;