Baby sleep training? The word “training” sounds like something we do with dogs! That’s why at sleepy-tots we talk about sleep teaching. So – what’s the difference?
The Oxford Dictionary defines the word training as; “come to a desired standard of efficiency or condition or behaviour”. Whereas the word teaching is defined as; “impart information or skill to a person”.
We all know that babies and LO’s don’t “behave” the way we want them to ALL the time. How can we expect LO’s to sleep “efficiently” when they are ill, teething, having developmental spurts or dealing with life changes. Of course they need parental reassurance and plenty of love and cuddles to help them through stressful situations. Extra parental TLC and predictable routines will help LO’s feel secure. But does this have to be during the night?
“Teaching” LO’s to sleep is not leaving them to cry it out on their own it’s about parents being with them during the process of learning. You only have to think back to primary school to remember the way you learned to read. That is by repetition, repetition, repetition. Until one amazing day the words made sense. As with any social behaviour sleep teaching is a skill that many babies need to be taught and learning is a process. Once taught LO’s often need to be retaught after disruptions to daily routines. Of course, this takes patience on the part of weary parents. But LO’s rely on their parents to teach them – well, nearly EVERYTHING!
Whilst talking to a group of new parents the other day we heard the usual grumbles. “My baby will only sleep on me” said one mum. “Mine too” said most of the other’s. All were relieved to hear us say “That’s normal!”. Imagine how it must feel for a newborn to realise they aren’t cooped up in the noisy, dark environment of the womb. Babies need a gentle transition to life and being held close by their parents helps them feel secure.
BUT there comes a time when parents can gradually teach babies how to sleep in their own space. We’re not talking about leaving babies to cry it out but gently guiding them to independent self settling.
In the book “Bed Timing” by developmental psychologists Marc Lewis and Isabela Granic (parents of twins – so they should know) they write about the best times to teach sleep according to developmental stages. Here is a summary of their research:
0 – 2 1/2 MONTHS
Your baby’s body needs time to develop and stabilise it’s own cycles. Do whatever it takes to get you through night rocking, bouncing or cuddling.
2 1/2 – 4 MONTHS
This is a period of relative stability and resilience. There is no good reason not to try sleep teaching now if your intuition says “go!” and your baby responds favourably. However young babies find it hard to recover from intense distress, and past a certain threshold (about 5 – 10 minutes) they may continue to cry until exhaustion sets in. This may be a sign that sleep teaching now is not the right time.
4 – 5 1/2 MONTHS
As your baby learns new interpersonal skills – skills that call for expected responses from you and lead to a stronger bond between you – it’s better not to disturb them until they’ve really begun to solidify. Essentially sleep teaching at this stage can cause frustration and confusion because your baby needs you to be her playmate, not her disciplinarian. Continue to establish predictable and consistent bed time routines but don’t push anything that doesn’t feel right.
5 1/2 – 7 1/2 MONTHS – THE IDEAL TIME TO TEACH SLEEP!
Babies are engaged with the objects around them (more than they are with people) and show almost no signs of separation anxiety. This combination creates one of the best times to teach sleep. To get a full night’s sleep, you’ll need to eliminate night feeding. Try gradually reorganising your baby’s feeding schedule so that he consumes most of his nourishment during the day.
8 – 11 MONTHS
Separation means something to your baby – that you’re not responding to his attempts to bring you back – which can be upsetting and traumatic for your baby, and destructive to your attempts at sleep teaching. Continue to be consistent in your bed time routine but be responsive to your babies needs.
12 – 16 MONTHS
This is another emotionally stable period where your baby is as focused on the world around her as she is on you. If your child isn’t sleeping through the night this may be your last chance for an efficient and fully satisfactory sleep teaching experience. Play – not sleep – is number one on your baby’s list of priorities. You’ll need to balance loving attention and concern with a firm determination to avoid the tricks and traps your innovative toddler will use to avoid bed time.
(Excerpts from Bed Timing ISBN:978-1-55468-047-4)
Our conclusion? Well – we certainly agree that a good time to begin sleep teaching is between 2 1/2 – 4 MONTHS due to circadian rhythms and more adult type sleep cycles developing at this time. However, the most common time parents consult us about a sleep problem is between 8 – 11 months when separation anxiety is at it’s peak. And as we have successfully improved sleep patterns in this age group hundreds of times we’re not sure this is the “all is lost” period that Marc and Isabela suggest.
It goes without saying that teaching positive sleep patterns earlier rather than later can prevent sleep difficulties arising. And if there are disruptions to sleep routine gently reinforcing sleep patterns when life is back to normal is better than waiting until sleep difficulties become habitual.
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